Beautiful Chaos

glass half full… or trying to be

Tonight was a strange night. An emotional one to say the least.

Today it hit me that my best friend Hailey will be going back home in a few short days and the life we have created for ourselves over the last six weeks will end. And it breaks my heart to think about it. Not just the fact that she is leaving, but the fact that I’m not sure where to turn.

Lately, I’ve been blindsided. I believed that people who were once there for me through the trials and tribulations of high school, the people I went on family trips with, had Christmas parties with, the people I stood next to in a cap and gown as we watched our lives change before our eyes… I believed they wouldn’t replace me. That they wouldn’t move on with their lives because I was off living another one. I don’t understand why the two lives, the past and the present, can’t be mixed. I like to think I’m the one that has grown up. That they are still in the “high-school” mentality. And honestly, it is killing me the way they are treating me. It hurts.

I like to think that I’m a strong girl. But it amazes me the way I crumble when I feel friendships slipping from my fingers. Friendships I can’t live without. Or friendships that I thought I couldn’t live without.

I guess this whole thing is God trying to show me who really matters in my life. It isn’t the back-stabbing girls I used to run around with, who will replace me in their lives at the drop of a hat. I guess God is playing up the contrast thing. The “I’m going to show you bad so you know what is good”. Well, thank you God. Because it worked. Through the dark, there is light. And the people in my life that really matter are my best friends.

These people are my rocks. They understand me better than I understand myself.

They are the people who can look at me and know something is wrong. They know how I’m feeling by the way I say “hello”. They know each laugh, giggle, and snicker.They know my family. They know my joys. They know my flaws, and understand why I’m so messed up, and yet they still love me.

To be able to call these people my best friends, and to hear it in return is humbling. No one on Earth, especially me, should be this blessed by the most amazing, inspiring, beautiful people. Why God allowed me to be graced with their presence is beyond me. I guess He knew what I lack in life, could be found in them.

Nashville.

Atlanta.

Johnson City.

Springdale.

Tuscaloosa.

Tullahoma.

Memphis.

The cities have(or will have) the people who have my heart. Who know everything, and love me regardless. To them, distance is just an eight letter word. And I am so grateful for that.

To them, thank you.

Thank you for all you have done for me. And all you will do. You are the reason I am the person I am today. Thank you for believing that time and distance play no part in best friends. Thank you for being you. Thank you for accepting me. Thank you for knowing me. Thank you for loving me.

** Apologies for the 4:15 in the morning blog post. Apologies for the sappiness, but what I say is true.**